WOMEN CAN MARCH?!
So as I write this, the first ever women’s march was held everywhere (Mostly big metropolitan cities, didn’t see any here in the ghetto) & this was basically a big public forum for women to (for lack of a better term) bring to the public their frustrations & celebrate with like minded people. It was heavily political, especially coming a day after Trump‘s inauguration. Was it necessary? That’s not the question people pondered about the women’s march, but there were a ton of people (mostly men) who went up on social media in their very offended manner saying “Why isn’t there a march for men? Dis is misogynist against men!!” I was kidding & selling myself very short when I made this facebook status:
So the women’s march had more numbers than Trump’s inauguration & amongst the audience there were so many witty & funny signs held by very creative women. I don’t have the picture with me (lost in desktop folder limbo) but there were a bunch of ladies in Victorian era dresses with signs that said ‘Different Decade, Same Bullshit’ and then there’s these two.
ALT-RIGHT & ALT NEWS & ALT-KEY
So there’s been so much fucking hubub about what the media calls the ‘Alt-Right’. The only way I can describe it is they’re Republicans who clearly admit they’re racist & ignorant & they wear it with pride. In other words, they’re neo Nazis with money. That’s what they are but the fucking mainstream media wants to sit there, normalizing that shit by calling them ‘Alt-Right’ or these assholes themselves are labelling themselves ‘Alt-Right’. All this term does is labels them like they’re part of culture & we should accept it. I’ve heard of ‘Radical Republican’, why isn’t that one being used? Oh wait, I know, because a Radical Republican means they’re a republican who isn’t a retarded idiot & actually thinks rationally & we can’t have those people stepping in the public & changing the status quo, let alone someone from the Independent party. The same shit can be said with the term ‘Alt-News’ which in short stands for Alternative News. Though I don’t like the term Alt-Right, I feel Alt-News is a fucking monstrosity that basically is tainting all news that isn’t being covered by the mainstream because “Alternative nooze meens it’s Trump.” All those neo nazi fucks just dipped their ball sack into the Ganges river of respectable journalism & tainted it, all because of a stupidly titled event called ‘PizzaGate’. I admit, Pizza Gate sounds fucking true, after hearing about Britain’s own problem with a pedophile ring back in the 70’s & 80’s. So of course I was like “I need to learn more about this shit. This is some horrid fuckery here & bitch whore Hilary Clinton was behind this.” That was until I found out not too soon that all this began when her Emails leaked & it turns out this PizzaGate conspiracy began when some idiot (with too much time on his hands) jumped to conclusions when he found out he saw the emails mentioning ‘Grabbing a bite of pizza’ or ‘Eating at pizza hut.’ Apparently someone thinks Pizza is codeword for ‘trading children at the underground sex dungeon located at a specific pizza place.’ If you’re looking for the real pedophile ringleader, try Chuck E. Cheeses, that mafian thug rat looks like the kind of motherfucker who would have an underground sex dungeon. So thank you PizzaGate & thank you stupid fucking people, now all news that isn’t covered by the mainstream media will be met with the opinion of it being all a pipe dream from some political party hussie. We can’t trust the mainstream media since they’re in the money of the station, the advertisers & the political parties the owner votes for. Thank you, you fucked shit up. Choke on my rod, Rod Stewart that is.
WATER WATER ERRWERE
On a bit of good news, the drought is dead, so says everyone here in CA. California has been crying for a while that there is no more water.We going to loose our water just as ‘Mad Max Fury Road’ hit theaters. It bothered me mainly because people were missing the real issue here. Citizens weren’t the ones who should have gotten the blame, it was those damn water bottling companies that do their work in California. Yet what did everyone do? Blame everyone else for the drought because “WE SOOOO STOOPID!” It got to a ridiculous level, there was an ad-campaign with a sad water drop saying “Don’t waste me.” Thankfully mother nature decided to give California a mini Noah flood. I’m not kidding, the firefighters came to my home just to check whether our place won’t flood. Along with that I haven’t been able to get to my daytime job because it was raining so much. Mowing lawns in the rain isn’t as cool when the grass is all muddy & mushy.
So that’s some good news, California won’t get into another drought anytime soon, that is if these water bottling companies stop being such rapists to mother earth. They need to be taken down a peg.
Done with that bit of seriousness. 2017 movies, part III: Still no subtitle. Let’s get on to this & ho-boy, we’re already off to a shitty start here.
-CHiPS: Now I don‘t watch the series religiously, but I do enjoy catching the reruns when I‘m bored. It’s camp late 70’s, early 80’s television for kids. I don’t see the love people have for Erik Estrada, especially in the 2000’s when he was everywhere. This movie, I won’t go as far to call it a hate fuck to the original source material, but it’s nowhere near the crapfest as the ‘Starksky & Hutch’ movie of the mid-2000’s or worse, that ‘Land of the Lost’ unfunny piece of Will Farrel’s shit. The trailer didn’t make me laugh, it was basically full of bullcrap humor you would find in an early 2000’s comedy, the trailer was bland. Something tells me this movie was in limbo before being greenlit. It wouldn’t surprise me. Like I said, the humor is just bland as shown in a scene that was meant to emote a ‘Laugh out loud’ response. Ponch is carrying his buddy onto a bathtub & he trips on something then ‘UH OH!!!! BALLS IN CHIN!!!” Hah? It’s middle school humor & this film is (According to Movieinsider.com) an R-rated film. It’s not made for the old school fans & I bet you these high schoolers today are going to call this a fucking laugh riot, just like they did to ‘21 Jump Street’. It’s a sick sad state of pop cultural affairs here.
-Power Rangers: Remember when that ultra-dark fan film of the Power Rangers was unleashed to the online masses? Remember when the green ranger said their film was going to be ‘lighter’ than the fan film. I didn’t really enjoy the fan film as much as I should have, it was too forced with it’s edgyness for me. So what does Lionsgate do? Make a film edgy for depressed teenagers, yeah because what the world needs is more sad people. This whole movie is ‘The Breakfast Club’ with CGI & annoying young characters.
Just like all of you, I did grow up watching ‘Power Rangers’ as a kid, the game for the Sega Genisis & SNES were awesome. I’m more into ‘Time Force’ as that series was a lot more mature & story based. Once I found out the series used stock footage from the original Sentai series, I fucking despised the power rangers & stuck around with the Sentai/Japanese Spiderman camp. I was lied to & the grudge still holds, but I still enjoy that heavy metal intro, it‘s dank.
This movie, who’s it made for? Not made for the 90’s kids & it’s certainly not made for the kids today who are watching the newer Power Rangers series on Nickelodeon. I don’t know who this is made for, certainly not made for me. I’m not going to say this film is terrible, but I’m not really wanting to find out. I’m skipping this. PS: Rita Repulsa looks like shit in this film. She literally looks like shit.
-Wilson: This is a prequel to ‘Cast Away’ before he got stranded in an island with Tom Hanks & became his sex toy. I’m kidding, it’s some comedy drama with Woody Harrelson. My idea sounded better.
-Ghost in the Shell: Like I said in previous Blogbabble entries, I’m giving this movie a chance. One thing I forgot to mention is this movie may hold the fate of whether or not we’ll be getting live action (Americanized) adaptations of many popular anime. So if this movie bombs, we won’t get a live-action anime for a while. If it wins big with the audience & box office, all those scripts for adaptations may get attention. This also includes that ‘Akira’ remake they’ve been wanting to threaten everyone with. We’ll see if this ends up sucking or being the greatest adaptation ever.
-Wonder: It’s about a kid with a facial disfigurement who enters school for the first time & has to prove to the ugly pretty people that he’s just like everyone else. This isn’t some bullcrap “Oh, he has a big nose. REALISTIC UGLINESS!” bullcrap. There was that one teen movie I remember where it was some handsome man who gets a curse to be ’ugly’ & the movie’s definition of ugliness was a joke. A handsome man is now bald & tattoos on his face. Really, you call that a curse? If you live in Venice Beach, that’s not a curse, that’s a ticket to drowning in that vagina. Venice Beach is trashy. That movie looked terrible & thankfully no one remembers it, except you guys who were probably know what I‘m talking about.
Not too long ago I just watched ‘Mask’ & that shit hit me harder now than it did back then. The kid just wanted love & never got it!! Fuh fuh fuh!!!! Fuck the establishment!!! This is a movie I will fucking see!! Hopefully this gets full on mainstream attention. Seriously, we’re being bombarded with pretty people In movies & they aren‘t pornstars. We gotta take a break from the Scarlett Johanssons & the ‘British girl with the thick eyebrows’ of the world & need to spread love to the natural deformities of this world. This movie has to kick people in the nuts!
-Smurfs The Lost Village: This one isn’t mixing bullcrap CGI with live action, nor does it include ‘Neil Patrick Harris’ on the cast. It’s a full on animated film, which is what it should have been in the first place! It wouldn’t of made a difference in quality, but it would have been a step up form those horrible ‘Alvin & The Chipmunks’ movies that plague our youth. I’m not a big fan of smurfs, that was the cartoon I avoided & didn’t see fully because I had to go to middle school at the time. I got no comment, other than ‘BOMB THOSE GODDAMN BLUE PEOPLE!!!’
-The Case For Christ: It’s a ‘Pure Flix’ film, so you know what’s going to happen. So a guy working for a newspaper tries to ‘dissprove the claims of Christianity’ after his wife becomes a born again Christian. You already know who the villain of the film is. It’s a Pure Flix film, so you know what that means. Christianity is great, all other religions are horrible, we need to stage an armed militia & take over the White House so nobody can worship anything other than Christianity. Pure Flix is a horrible propoganda machine & it sickens me to find out that they get distribution from ‘Universal Pictures’. What a load of fuck. While some interesting indie companies are struggling & being left in obscurity, here comes Pure Flix getting all the attention. They are the worst example of Christianity & I sympathise with Christians who don’t act like fucking idiots. I’m sure they’re out there.
-Going In Style: Get it? It’s funny because they’re old!! Haaagh!! Haaagh!! Haaagh!!! Seriously, since when did the idea of old people relieving their glory days become a trite concept for comedy. Stars Morgan Freeman (Do you really need the money?), Christopher Lloyd (Haven’t seen him in a while.) & probably the most badass of the three, Michael Caine. He sang a song called ‘My Name is Cocaine’ back in the 70’s. If that’s not badass, I don’t know what is.
So here we go, the whole movie is about these three deciding to plan a bank heist after they get screwed with because they’re old & YUNG PEEPLE RUUL!! Also, this film is a remake of a 1979 movie. Being ignorant for current cinema, I’m going to watch that original version instead of this one that may or may not be funny. You’d be surprised how many remakes actually astounded me. That ‘Karate Kid’ movie with Jayden Smith wasn’t the greatest, Jayden spent the whole film with a ‘I gotta take a dookie‘ face, but it wasn’t as horrible as I expected it to be.
-The Assignment: A hitman goes out for vengeance after he is knocked out unconscious & wakes up to find out he has boobs & a vagina. It’s slated for an April release, stars two actresses I dig, Michelle Rodriguez & Sigourney Weaver & it’s being sold as an action crime film. Who’s directing? Walter Hill. Now I’m a fan of Walter’s films from ‘The Warriors’ to ‘48 Hrs’ as well as ‘Extreme Prejudice.’ Recently he did ‘Bullet To The Head’ with Stallone & that really wasn’t the golden chalice of his career. So will this be his ‘apology’ or will it be a start of a long slate of mediocre films? I don’t know, bring it on, an action film with a sex change as part of the premise, I’m ready.
-The Assignment: Oh hey, another anime film, guess where this will be screening? Nowhere except in places where people give a shit!!! It’s ‘Freaky Friday’ without the Disney bullshit & done in animation. We already know what’s going to happen. I’m him, I’m her & we gotta deal with the quirkiness of living in one another’s bodies. Oh, how original. ‘Sigh’, remember when anime had testosterone? I miss the days of anime like ‘The Guyver’ & ‘Cyber City Oedo 808’. I guess there’s no more room left in this world for bloodthirsty dinosaurs like me.
-Gifted: So Captain America is raising her daughter who is a goddess at math. Yeah, and all of you academic, poll making, census taking assholes say all women suck at math. I suck at math, does that make me a woman? Well anyway, her talents are brought to a wide attention, so much so Cap’s grandma wants to separate them. Why? I don’t know, old ladies are evil I guess. I know the actor behind Captain America is Chris Evans, but it’s funny how in the cast list they use the picture of Captain America.
-The Fate of the Furious: Another Fast & Furious movie…… You know, I’ve been pretty unfair to most of these films, but then again these films share the same franchise as ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’ and ‘Tokyo Drift’. The new films are pretty much an over the top 80’s/90’s action film for this decade. I agree that they strafe away from their drag racing origins of the early 2000’s, but it was necessary. Also, that last film’s ending was very well crafted & not done in poor taste. Sadly that ending was ruined & soiled by the meme community. Some of them were funny, but people missed the point. So this film will be the first to go after the death of Paul Walker & it looks like it’s going to challenge the characters of this film since they are faced with a person who wants lure them back to the crime game. Character drama, that’s something nobody would of expected from a movie franchise that brought us drag racing & a chase scene where a drone is blowing up cars in a populated city. Yeah, that happened in the last film & it was awesome!
-A Quiet Passion: Another movie I will watch on mute because pale redhead in Victorian dresses. It’s PG-13, so you know you’ll see some of that sweet sexy elbow & ankle! WHOOOT WOOOOT!!!!
I don’t know the plot & I don’t know who Emily Dickinson is. Wait, is she the wife of the man who hated Christmas, took some wicked shrooms & dreamed of three ghosts who showed him what life would be like if he was dead & woke up inspired to draw Donald Duck cartoons? Yup, that’s her! Donald Duck!!!
-Born in China: Of course this is going to be a success for Disney, most of the money they’re looking to receive is from the Chinese market. I know I ranted about making movies solely for the Chinese market since they basically own all of Hollywood now, so I won’t repeat myself again. What I will repeat is the fact that Disney is always intervening in the lives of animals. First they did it with penguins, then they did it with monkeys, now fucking pandas? This film proves Disney has no pandas in Atlanta. Leave those poor animals alone.
-How To Be A Latin Lover: Ohhh here we go again, another one of these ‘Pantelion’ mediocre comedies that I’m being bombarded with here in California. My problem isn’t that they’re films made by a Mexican cast, but they’re generic Hollywood films made with a Mexican cast & crew. I want something unique, not some other “I’m a single dad trying to find love & will treat my daughter right. Uh oh, here comes the Ex-wife played by a white woman who wants to separate our love & yadayadayada.” bullcrap.
I’m tired of the triteness. Aw damn, broke one of my rules, I promised I wouldn’t repeat myself. Oh well. Mexicans need to make Mexican movies to prove American audiences we‘re capable of much more than mediocre crap. Either we’re being bombarded with movies playing it too safe or we’re being bombarded with the guilt trip illegal immigrant message movie (That will never die away because, well, look at the state of the world right now).
-Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2: Alright, time for me to be a nitpicky nerd here. So I’ve been watching the cartoon series on ‘Disney XD’ and I got a bone to pick. The cartoon takes place after the events of the film. Groot is in his usual self, tall & old like we saw in the beginning of the film. In the cartoon it’s shown that he can spread seeds of himself & grow miniature versions of himself. Now comes the trailer for the second film, Groot is now tiny & young? What?!!! Is there a reason why Groot is now young & child-like as opposed to the way is in the cartoon? Talk about a fucking retcon!!
Second, I highly enjoyed the first film, but the first film had a major flaw that I expressed online. I won’t mind repeating this here since I already broke my rule. So the film begins very depressing & grim as Peter Quill is a child at a hospital, depressed as hell as his mom is dying of cancer. That’s a pretty grim & a much too real setting to begin this fun charming space opera. So the beginning is very sad, he runs away from the hospital & is abducted by a spaceship. You expect a soft transition from that depressing scene, but ohhhh no. Oooooh nooo, like a car crash here comes that loud & upbeat ‘MARVEL PRESENTS’ logo. It was very much a shocking case in tonal whiplash & that always bugged me in a filmmaking way. The transition should have been softer. Hopefully this sequel has none of that. Not saying the film shouldn’t include character drama, but the transitions from sad to comedy need to be done better. That scene where it’s visually implied that Rocket Raccoon was an innocent animal who was unwillfully experimented on was pretty well done & got me all choked up. It shows that the film is much more than just CGI aliens blowing shit up & Peter Quill listening to ‘Hooked on a Feeling.’ That is something most action summer blockbusters are missing, little character moments that elevate them from being archetypes. I will be on the lookout to see the sequel.
-King Arthur: Legend of the Sword: Because movie studios are still running on that ‘We got to make these pussy medieval stories look like Game of Thrones’ train. This is basically ‘Excalibur’ with the same filter HBO puts on episodes of Game of Thrones. Just watch the early 80’s Excalibur movie, it has a dude in full armor (Except in his crotch) porking a woman. If that’s not high art……well it’s not high art, but it’s titillating is all.
-Snatched: I don’t care about Amy Schumer plainly because I have no interest in seeing her standup or her movies. I just don’t care so I don’t have an opinion for the pro-Schumer people & I don’t have an opinion for the anti-Schumer people. Am I annoyed of seeing her face everywhere? Yes. Does that opinion criticize her humor & quality of acting? No. I just don’t care, but I will say this…. Goldie Hawn is still alive? I haven’t admitted this to people, but I have a poster of Goldie Hawn from ‘Laugh In’ back when she was adorable. I have it stored in a box along with my comics because mom threw away my goddanm Sean Connery as James Bond portait. It was done in conti crayon & my older sister got me for my 17th birthday! I don’t want the same fate to occur to my Goldie Hawn poster, my Dark Horse poster or my Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome poster. Goldie Hawn now looks like a leathery plastic handbag sitting in the sun. That’s what plastic surgery does to you kids. She looks like a wrinkly nutsack, case closed.
-Low Riders: Sounds like a movie that would have been made in the 90’s, early 2000’s along with movies like ‘Blood in, Blood out’ and ‘Mi Familia’. I’ll give it a chance, at least it’s not a Pantalion film. So I had no opinion on Amy Schumer, but ohhhh hold your pants up, I got a lot to say about Eva Longoria. That racist bitch, I’m tired of seeing her face everywhere, she sucks at acting, has no personality or charisma & she’s racist. Yelled at a Mexican security guard at an airport for no reason. I don’t know why she has a career. Go to hell, you skanky bitch :) .
And lastly, for now…
-Alien Covenant: Now we come to a biggie here. I have mixed feelings for this after seeing the trailer. I thought this was going to be the ‘Alien 4’ we, the fans, expected. The director for ‘District 9’, Neil Blompkamp, shared this gorgeous & stunning artwork for Alien 4 that he wanted to do if he was hired for the sequel. He basically wanted to make an explanation for the events that occurred in ‘Alien 3’ which is considered the worst in the franchise (Though I liked it). Apparently that’s not what 20th Century Fox wants since Ridley Scott is back to the franchise & the plot synopsis says that it’s a sequel to ‘Prometheus’. Coming back from Prometheus are Michael Fassbinder (Who played a brilliant android. I commend him for that) and Naomi Rapace (I liked her more as Lisbeth Salander), so it’s assured this isn’t going to be a sequel to Prometheus. I kinda like that film for being a throwback sci-fi with slow burn pacing, practical gore effects (With minor CGI) & suspenseful horror, but it has a lot of issues & faults. One of those faults being that it’s a prequel to ‘Alein’ & it looks all too high-tech to take place before the analog future depicted in the 1979 film. Also, them scientists were idiots, getting killed by sperm shaped aliens ‘n’ shit.
I’m tired of the prequel/spinoff of the original movie. I just finished ‘Alien Isolation’ & aside from the graphics & the creepy gameplay, there really wasn’t a reason for this game to exist, other than to make money.
Judging from the trailer (I saw the red band, international trailer) it looks intense as hell & pretty brutal. The aliens now pop out of the spine instead of the chest. They’re going full on hard-R with this which I do like. This looks like a fun movie to take dates out on & having them crawl into your coat. What I don’t like is it looks like they’re going to tread on the same territory the films & the comics books have gone to so many times. Clueless scientists or army men go in expecting to kick ass, but are suddenly outnumbered or outsmarted (much too easily) by the alien creatures. Then to put salt in the wound, the corporation they work for (Mainly Wayland Yuntani) betrays them because they’re a corporation & they’re in it for the money, just like 20th Century Fox. It’s getting repetitive & there are so many ways the series can go than just retreading on paths already established in ‘Alien’ and ‘Aliens.’ I’m both excited & dreading this film & that‘s not the only Ridley Scott film I‘m both dreading & excited over. I’m going in to this just wanting to see lots of sex & lots of gore.
So that does it for now, we’re almost nearing the end of the list. Sadly, I will have to hold off for a few weeks because I’m getting prepared for February. I’ve got something planned for blogbabble that needs some research done.
Thank you for wasting your time here & stick around, we’re gonna get to some very interesting titles.