2016 sounds way far into the future, I’m sure most of you grew up in the days when you would lie in bed & think about how the future will be & what will come of it. We all expected flying cars, airline trips to Endor & holographic pogs. Instead we got overly offended special interest minority groups, VR porn, stupid people in the media, internet trolls & we got too many stupid people in congress. What a future! Just like Ray Bradbury & Harlan Ellison predicted!
So in the last entries I was skipping politics & current affairs to talk about some fun but useless stuff, while behind the scenes I was trying to pick out what current affairs topics I wanted to rant about on upcoming entries. While this happened, some topics were quickly becoming irrelevant, thus causing a brief hiatus on some serious talk. So this week, we’ll be getting back into the groove of things. Don’t worry, I won’t spend all my time on talking just anger inducing current affairs.
-Porter Ranch Dressing
This disaster is worse than the BP Oil Spill, I’m not exaggerating. Okay, every environmental disaster is a bad disaster, let’s get that clear, but this specific disaster has not only affected people living in homes surrounding the gas leak, it’s also coming out of the state’s wallet. Just like BP affected the gas station prices & the seaside villages, the Porter Ranch leak is affecting everyone’s gas bill & half of California‘s air quality. Extra zeroes in those bills because the people in charge of the leaking gas refinery/plant (whatever the fuck it is) didn’t handle it as properly or quickly. So the gas leak happens, tons of people get sick because the assholes at their city council have no fucking souls (Maybe a few, but they‘re always hidden in the sea of shitty people). Yeah, people thought the gas leak wasn’t all that terrible, these citizens soon learned the hard way that city hall is a lying sack of garbage. I bet these council members don’t live anywhere around Porter Ranch, so of course they wouldn’t be as concerned. Imagine you & your whole neighborhood abandoning your homes & setting up ‘temporary’ shop in some hotel with all kinds of gross diseases & VD lurking in those bed sheets, messing up your once maintainable home life because some suit who owns all of Gas, Water & Power didn’t want to do shit about the gas leak as immediately as possible. That‘s not cool, man! It also doesn’t help that there are countless articles of chemicals in gas that are linked to cancer. So yea, not only did these suits just make these folks sick, but they also may have greatened the people‘s chances of getting cancer. What a fucking track record, imagine dating someone who says “I work at city hall. Wanna hear a funny joke, I gave most of the people at Porter Ranch cancer. HUEH!”
Sick fucking joke.
With all that said, why aren’t people reporting this environmental disaster like the outlets did with the BP disaster. In all of 2011 you couldn’t channel surf without seeing a live feed or a news report on the BP oil spill, why was this disaster not heavily reported on? You have 200 million gallons (My rough as fuck estimate) of gas blowing into the air with chemicals that are linked to cancer, making adults & children sick. This is some shady shit right here. The only channel I saw most coverage on were a Fox affiliate (KTTV) and a CBS sister affiliate (KCAL), and they really showed the anger of the residents. For mainstream outlets, I must commend them for that.
So the leak has been plugged up & now the porter ranch citizens are just movie back to their respective homes. How fucking hard was that for these people to plug up the leak? Rather than plug the leak up as quickly as they could & save some cash, the people in charge just let it leak, loosing millions & making we, THE PEOPLE, pay for it in our wallets & health. Not only that, but the people who own the refinery/ gas plant in Porter Ranch were charged ‘Not Guilty’ for warning everyone about the leak just weeks after it happened. Can you believe this?!! Ohhhhh I’d be out to scalp them if I lived in Porter Ranch or wherever the fuck they live. Only in this country can teachers piss on you if you didn’t hear an important announcement on the intercom in a loud cafeteria, but oh these people just made a lot of kids & adults sick, nah, slap on the wrist.
This also hits close to home for me because I don’t live that far away from an oil refinery. This could happen to anyone or everyone, so I’ve got every right to get mad!
-All Judges Look The Same
Do you know if ‘Judge Judith Shineland’ is a real judge? If you aren’t familiar with the name, then of course you’ll think she is a real judge. If they ask if she was a judge of the supreme court, you’ll probably still say, she’s a real judge. Most of us don’t look deep into the details of things we’re not really interested in. I can’t tell you a single name of a Nascar driver.
Well, Studies show (I’m sorry everyone, we’re above the ‘Studies Show’ format idiot news groups use to distract the public, but bear with me y‘all.) that all college students think Judge Judy is real. What I want to know is if the question was asked “Is Judge Judith Shineland a real judge?” in that specific way, or if they asked the students “Is Judge Judy a real judge?”
This story can either show how easy it is for census/poll takers to manipulate answers & stats to stroke their own agenda, or it shows how fucking stupid this generation is. I don’t know the specifics. Also, not every college student is some 17 year old douche who got lucky, most of the college students I see are either the ones out of high school or middle age people getting at it again, because life throws curveballs. There’s no specifics in age, race, sex or if they watch television or not.
If people asked me if Judge Shineland was a real judge, I would say yes because I don’t spend my sweet ass time watching that Judge Judy, Divorce Court, daytime TV debauchery.
All I have to say about Judge Judy is she looks like this teacher at ‘Eshelman Elementary School‘ when I was 6 or 5. At the time I had to do my work at another class (Maybe I was smarter than the other kids or I was a special needs child. I don‘t know) & the teacher I was sent to looked like Judge Judy. She wasn’t scary, her fucking students were scary. That Judge Judy teacher was a fucking messiah to me, yet my mom was one of those “She looks evil, I‘m taking my son out of this awesome school so he can suffer in one of them public schools.” One of her students tore my lips open because they were assholes & they looked like the Columbine shooters with the backwards cap, not lying here, it was the 90’s.
So to end it, Judge Judy teacher was the greatest thing to happen in my early childhood, second to Pokemon & Jackie Chan. This study could mean anything, just don’t put your faith in some poll conducted by some glasses, flannel wearing guy with grey dyed hair. Whether you believe Judge Judy is a real judge or not, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it means that Poll/Census people are scum.
I have no hope for any candidates, I know they’re all lying & selling us the America we want, but most of us aren’t going to get the America we hate or have grown to be jaded by. I’m not like these people putting up signs & bumper stickers & all that advertising shit just to get looks or feel like my political stance will change the world. No one’s a politician, but everyone’s a critic. No one’s political stances will change shit for the better, every single good thing has it’s flaws.
I can’t help but laugh at these supposed ‘Communists’ that want to run for president & these doofuses that talk about how America needs to get that taste of red with lines like: “Capitalism is ruining our country!” It’s funny because most of those arguments are coming from the same people that upload selfies with their up to date smartphones, new copies of ’Fallout 4’ & rolled up joints. You know, you wouldn’t have all that if you were communist? Yeah, Capitalism has its huge flaws, but what makes them think a go at Communism would be swell? All I have to say is keep on posting your pics, commies. The irony of it all is great entertainment.
Then you got the “Your vote won’t count!” as well as the “I’m moving to Kaneda if this guy gets voted.” To you people who say one or the other, you guys are a bunch of pussy quitters. Rather than putting up a fight & standing up while everyone’s getting doodied on, you guys are just going to quit & retreat to Kaneda? I’m not dissing Kaneda, but what makes you think Canada’s going to want you. Just like every country people have given this label of Paradise (Like weeaboos & Japan), it ain’t that great of a place, there is no such thing as a paradise & even these so called paradise countries have their flaws. Once all of you start immigrating in droves to Canada, Canada’s going to be like America & there’ll be a Canadian Trump that wants to make Canada great again & build a 50ft wall on the Canadian border because all of you are abandoning the battle. Canada is basically America on oppisite day, with universal healthcare. If Trump wins, I’m putting up a fight, I’m not letting some asshole vagina mouth take away all our civil rights. The part that makes me laugh is the same people who said they’d move to Canada if Obama won the 2012 election, didn’t! Nor did they commit suicide, which is what I was really expecting. So most of you Canada movers are just barking, with no bite. Vote if you don’t want to make an ass of yourself. I may have no hope for anyone, but I will still vote because I don’t want to be ‘THAT GUY‘ who complains about crap that I didn‘t choose to be involved with. The last thing we need is some elected asshole to bring back the old laws of voting, just so they can get those of their kin to increase their odds of owning the nation.
If Obama’s campaign run in 2012 has taught me anything, it’s that you have two choices when it comes to voting. You can either vote for the guy who’s going to shoot you in the face, then defile your corpse, or defile you, then shoot you in the face, in that order. You can be like everyone else & have hope for one candidate, blow your load on advertising, showing everyone how deep you can fit the candidates’ D into your V, ignore all the bad they’re doing, or you could take the Chomsky way. After seeing the crap Obama got away with, it‘s pretty clear the world of politics isn‘t a happy place. I admit, he’s done some good, but everyone only remembers the good. Oh, but don’t comment on the man’s actions, because then you’ll sound like all those stupid republicans who hate him just because of his skin color. Oh there’s no denying that the repubs in the house would’ve taken a different view if Obama were white.
Hey kids, it’s cool to make fun of Obama now, I’ll start!
“Um…..He looks old because of his hair…..Muhuhahah!!!!”
Sorry, that’s all I got. Now let’s get a brief rundown of the candidates:
Behold! We got freaks, freaks freaks! Freaks to laugh at, freaks to be disgusted at & freaks to feel sorry for.
Ben Carson, the walking contradiction! 2016 has barely started & already the contradictions are out for everyone to see! I’m sure all black people reading this agree that a black republican is such a contradiction. I guess he’s trying to cash in on the moniker of ‘The second black president of the United States’, but that’s not working.
This guy, does he even have a fan base? Day in & day out I always see footage of Trump Rallies & Sanders rallies & even Hilary rallies, almost every candidate has a rally & a fan base, all except for Carson. I guess the American public isn’t as stupid as he thought.
Dolan Trumpe, or his real name ‘Fuher Mc.Cheez’. His slogan apparently is ‘Make America great again’, I must be wrong, I thought his slogan was “ZEIG HIEL!!!”
Fuher Mc.Cheez is pretty much on par with the fictional president Rexall from the ‘Give Me Librety’ comics. Not caught up on your comics/Frank Miller reading? Rexall is a mix of George Bush Senior, Hitler & Regan where he’s shoved the nation’s poor (Ethnic) into these prison projects. The comic is one of those where you can tell Frank was teetering from his pulp majesty to his now shot the shit style of drunk & terrible writing. It’s a book you may have to read to believe. I can see the totalitarian future of the comic happening if Fuher Mc.Cheez is voted in. Another thing I wanted to mention is Fuher Mc.Cheez pissed off liberals, pissed off Latinos (Which are now the majority vote), he pissed off the gays, women & Muslims.
Fuher Mc.Cheez won’t get into office, & if he does then we can all blame the electoral college. But after pissing off the core demographic of voters, the only people Fuher Mc.Cheez is satisfying are Neo-Nazis, angry Midwestern guys & fedora wearing nihilists. Come at me INTERNET, I just insulted your breed!
To finish up the list of Repubs…
Jeb Bush wants to finish the job his dad & grand dad has started, he‘s a clown, epecially in his piss poor attempt at speaking spanish. History has been repeating itself, If we elect Jeb Bush, we’re setting ourselves up to get another 9/11, it will be called ‘9/11: Terrorism Goes Hawaiian’.
Marco Rubio’s isn’t even making a dent, why’s he running? He’s the Ben Carson for Latinos. The only Latinos he’s making a dent on are the Latinos that aren’t in the day to day struggle of finance & citizenship & they’re the minority.
Ted Cruz, his last name sounds latin, but he’s Canadian & an Assphonia. What‘s an Assphonia? I don‘t know.
You heard that right, a Canadian running for president & he was one of those early adopters of the Birther movement Fuher Mc.Cheez began back when Obama first got into office. So yeah, Ted Cruz, Canadian himself asking Obama for “PAPERZ, PLEEZ!!”, yet no one asked him for his syrupy papers.
I feel bad for Canada, they’re blamed for Justin Bieber, Just For Laughs & now they got Ted Cruz on their list. Canada’s sorry for these terrible things, but we accept their apology for giving us ‘The Cine-Masochist’. His videos have this badass aura that makes me want to lift weights & rip phonebooks with my bare hands!!
And now let’s get to the democrats.
Ever since Bernie Sanders decided to jump into the race, everyone’s been bickering over what socialism really is. Is it a positive or a negative term? Is socialism a good thing or a bad thing?
To me, it’s all opinionated, some people believe socialism is the end all of everyone’s woes, but then you got the other side providing reasons as to why socialism will still bring bigger woes. I’ve learned about this bickering war of socialism & anti-socialism in my high school sophomore year, some people think we should live like Sweeden, others think nothing will change. I believe we should take care of the down trodden, but I don’t want to live in a house with four other families & whatever we do, there will always be that one person who has more than the rest.
Also, I always get a big laugh when people cry that Sanders is going to bankrupt the nation, yeah, because we’re not doing it as slow enough with our government running in a deficit, spending on guns & missiles, all that money that is spent on crap that creates disturbances to others rather than help our own. Only in America could Obama call for donations for a country (Like Haiti), then have that country not see a cent of that money. Now I know we need an up to date defense (Especially when every country hates America), but at the same it‘s overkill. Do we really need more Nuclear bombs?
Free college sounds like a good idea, but all that might do is make registration much more of a hassle (More than it already is. Especially signing up for specific classes) & make overcrowding much more of an issue in some campuses. What happens when you get a huge amount of kids registering because of free college & not enough staff to teach them all? Overcrowding! Now I’m not against free college, everyone deserves an education & fees are already insane, along with textbooks & supplies, I don’t see free college tuition being some end all to the problem of student loans & all that messed up crap that still plagues people today. I don’t know the specifics, I don’t know if community colleges are affected or if only certain people would qualify. I’ll have to wait and see.
I’m not saying Sanders is a bad choice, but I don’t have this gung ho “He’s a godsend!” attitude almost everyone on my Facebook feed has of him. It’s either the guy who’s going to overcrowd colleges, or the guy that’s going to turn America into the city in ‘Half Life 2’.
And the last Demo candidate in the race, Hilary Clinton, the walking train wreck. She used her personal computer & home internet connection to send red hot government information.
Everyone working in the white house has their own computer, all tapped into their own private & secure server & here goes Hilary putting all that at risk because…….you know, she never really gave a reason as to why she did what she did. All I can say is she was lazy or “She don’t know nuttin ‘bout no innawebs!”
To top it all off, I keep hearing she had something to do with something called ‘Benghazi’, but I can’t even tell you a shit strip of what that was all about, so instead here’s a quote that tells us what the white house means to Hilary:
“The last time we had a Clinton in the White House, it left a bad taste in my mouth.”
(I don’t claim originality on that one.)
Then you got that once loud crowd of people telling me if I don’t vote for Hilary, then I’m a sexist pig who can’t handle the fact of a woman in the white house. Suddenly all those voices fell silent just as the Hilary trying to connect to the youth memes hit the internet. All I see in Hilary is another Obama, a woman trying to hard to connect to the audience, hiding under the thin democratic veil, then ditching it when she goes into office as she tries to appease the right wing.
So on this installment I wanted to talk about this messed up (More messed up than Euro horror) soap opera I watched as a kid with my mom, but I’ll save that for next week.
Recently, our good friend Kenny (Writer & Creator of The Fiend House) sent me an article on my personal wall that not only rose my interest, but gave me a well needed laugh. I’m sure we all know who JonBenet Ramsey is, a hellishly young pageant girl was raped & killed by her dad in Christmas of 1996. It was horrible & of course the 24hour news cycle media that had just come off the ’O.J Simpson Trial’ jumped on the Ramsey case.
There are people who think ‘JonBenet Ramsey’ is Katy Perry in some Illuminati plan for JonBenet to get quick & easy fame. My ribs began hurting the second I read that story, it was just too much. I don’t give a fuck about the Illuminati, that’s how much trust I put into this story.
I’m not a full on conspiracy theorist, mainly because I take in all the conspiracy theories I hear, or the conspiracy theories I come up, with a tiny grain of salt. I don’t believe any of it, but when the time comes when one of those theories comes out as true, I’ll sit back, pop some popcorn & sleep tonight knowing one conspiracy theory was proven right. For some time I remember the whole NSA spying was a conspiracy, now everyone knows it’s a damn fact, so there’s still hope for all of you supposed whistle blowers.
Reading these insinuations & theories are a good way to kill some time on the internet. I don’t get the reasoning behind people who full on believe in conspiracy theories that are down right hilarious & stupid. Maybe they’re like Scully & just want to believe.
So it is said that the Illuminati faked the death of Jon Benet, even though we all know she was killed by this guy depicted here--
Here’s the freaking plothole in the story, date of birth! Jon Benet Ramsey was born in 1990, Katy Perry was born in 1984. Age gap, PEOPLE!! JonBenet died in Christmas of 1996. You have all these people online trying to pull some biblical numbers deal with both their dates of birth that connects to the date when JonBenet’s dad’s court hearing weas set & 9/11. What does freaking 9/11 have to do with a pop star & some pageant girl? Were these Illuminati Alqueda terrorists listening to pop music when they hijacked the airline jet? It’s freaking stupid, convoluted, but hilarious! Then you have to factor in with this ‘secret cult organization’, did they give her a choice? Let’s say all this was true. If Ramsey was killed & she was ‘rebirthed’ as Katy Perry, why did she spend most of her childhood & teen years living a normal life rather than being that instant child pop star. Then people are finding ’clues’ in Katy Perry’s autobiography & reading into shit that isn’t there. “Yeah, those illuminati. That all time secret organization loves to intentionally hide clues about this conspiracy. She would have still been a tweenager in the late 90’s or early 2000’s, a time where such a pop star at that age was marketable & big with middle class suburban girls. What, the Illuminati thought she was too young to appeal to the kids? Are they marketing experts all of a sudden?
Pulling a Linkara here…
At least with the conspiracy theories I’ve heard, they were well crafted, not matter how insane they were. But I’m not mad, just frustrated. Why come up with a funny conspiracy theory if you’re not going to double check & question the structure of it. Also, this isn’t the first conspiracy theory of its kind, apparently people thought Lady Gaga was JonBenet Ramsey for some time. This is like that old kook Robert Patterson who has said many times that he‘s found the Judgement Day date in the bible! The day arrived & nothing happened, then he jumps on his defensive wagon saying “Uhh. Gawd was testing us!!!”
The article that was written also goes on to discredit this guy named ‘David Johnson’ who talks at length about this conspiracy on his YouTube channel where he does daily reviews for bongs & for flavored pot. There goes that guy’s credibility!
Overall, I view conspiracy theories the same way I view Creepypastas or FanFiction. They’re a good way to kill time, but I take them in with a grain of salt & most of them are so poorly crafted.
And now for my favorite conspiracy theories:
-Aliens being stored by U.S government
-Aids created to eradicate the homosexual & ethnic population (That one might be true)
-Government has the prototype of a vehicle that runs on water, but kept it secret so they can keep milking off the war on oil.
-Chico is Quiet from Metal Gear Solid V
That does it for this week’s Blogababble. I’ll maintain a steady schedule.
Recently I commandeered my older sister’s 2009 android phone with a camera, so I’ve already found an alternative. Still going to be hunting for a scanner, but it‘s really difficult finding one for cheap that will easily fit with the computer. ‘Comic Strip Therapy’ & probably some ‘Adventures in Pancakes’ are coming soon. I’m making great timing with my first draft for the sequel to ‘He Came Tumbling Over’, though I’m not calling it ‘He Came Tumbling Over 2’, there’s nothing to tumble over in this installment. You’ll see why I’m giving it a different name. I’m getting my mojo back!
I’m not Marty Stouffer. Until next time, enjoy wild America.
(Coming Soon to Facebook: Cynika Zine, a current affairs, political facebook page.)