Email me grannies (firstname.lastname@example.org), do you enjoy this or is this trashy smut? I’d love to know.
Like always, there’s always some BS happening in the world & I’m always commenting on it with some wise ass, at times insensitive remarks or with some honest feeling towards it. Of course I’m not going to make some joke about tragedies, but I will say Donald Trump’s mom should have visited the coat hanger doctor when he was in the womb.
On this installment I’ll only talk about A current affair, the rest will be Entertainment news. I can’t remember if I’ve done this before or not, may have to check.
For today, this will be a ‘NEWS OF THE WORLD’ for entertainment, or as I will call it ‘ENTERTAINMENT DICKING AROUND FOR YOU WHOLESALE!’
RNC = P-NEZ
What’s wrong with the so-called ‘Liberal’ media? I know I didn’t trust it before, but seriously, for so-called liberals they sure are giving a lot of airtime to Trump. Whether it be good or bad publicity, he still got more media attention than Hilary & she too is a flaming jackass. This election (I know, people have been saying this since last year) is a freaking clown car & even after most of the republican candidates have left the stage, it’s still a clown car, a very depressing one. This is the equivalent of watching a drunk midget trying to climb up the stairs while singing to an Arianna Grande song, it’s sad, messed up & cringey. Also we got too many people crying ‘Game Over’ for something that’s barely started. Sure, Sanders doesn’t have the democratic win & everyone’s gonna pick one of the two evils, but people keep forgetting that those fucktards in congress are up for re-election. That’s our fucking chance to yank out the assholes that continued to engage in filibusters to stop laws that would help people in need, yet fastrack laws that would put working class people in danger & have them up to the cheek in debt. We need to kick out these old farts & bring in the new flesh! Yet again, the news outlets are busy showing us Trumps fatass’ face & all his followers licking the semen off his tip. They’re not voters, they’re his slaves, his used up, tossed into the wastebasket slaves until Jabba The Hut takes second dibs.
As much as I don’t like Hilary Clinton, I have to say she should get the same amount of airtime as Trump got. These so-called liberal or ‘Fair & Balanced’ news programs aren’t giving fair time to either candidate, especially when Sanders was running & drawing crowds from the wayside. I imagine it would get worse if Trump is elected. Not only would it be outlawed to give other people airtime, but also would start a mob war to journalists who decide to be fair & balanced.
To end this, not only should you research your candidate for the presidency, but also research your candidates running for congress. Even if your president doesn’t win, we can still win through congress. We still got it by the balls. It ain’t over till Trump cries, gets shot in the belly & a small alien fetus pops out of his exit wound convulsing in the ground & crying “THE MISSION HAS BEEN COMPROMISED!!!”
As you can tell I hate Trump & I hope Harambe rapes him.
And now let us move on to the entertainment news!
SMART MOVIE MAKE ME SAD
So Anton Yelchin sadly died some weeks ago. For those not in the know, he played the new Chekov in the Star Trek reboot & I couldn’t see anybody besides him playing the role. He fit the description of the original Chekov & (I’ve only seen the reboot from 2009) he was basically perfect from the bite sized scenes he was in. His speech mimics that of the original actor who played Chekov. I know Yelchin has been in other flicks, but bro, Star Trek. He was taken from this world too soon & it was due to a car crash, now this hits close to home. I didn’t know him personally but all throughout high school I had a fear of driving or stepping into cars from two car crashes.
He will be sadly missed, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.
So with the upcoming Star Trek movie coming soon (or it’s already out, I don’t know. These new releases always come & go like a dude who’s never touched himself, so I can’t keep track of this) the trailer for ‘Star Trek Beyond’ had left trekkies & trekkers with a bad taste in their mouth as the commercial boasted more action than story. Now before I get emails from no-life sci-fi weebs telling me how I’m some douche outsider who’s not part of the community & all this elitist bullshit, I dig classic Trek, can never get into ‘The Next Generation’ (Too operatic for me), never seen ‘Deep Space Nine’ (But it looks pretty dank), Voyager was a neat concept that just failed & ‘Enterprise’ fucking sucks!!!!!
Where am I going with this?
So Chris Pine has come out in an interview with SFX magazine & said that with the new Star Trek, you can’t make it cerebral for modern audiences anymore.
Quote: “You can’t make a cerebral Star Trek in 2016. It just wouldn’t work in today’s marketplace. You can hide things in there – Star Trek Into Darkness has crazy, really demanding questions and themes, but you have to hide it under the guise of wham-bam explosions and planets blowing up. It’s very, very tricky.”
As a kid I didn’t understand the original Star Trek films as much because of their cerebral & most of the time pure dialogue sequences. This brought me to think, is intelligent Science Fiction pretty much dead? The last film I remember hearing about being a cerebral science fiction story would be ‘Ex-Machina’ from last year, but even then that didn’t get as big of a major release here in the states. Even in the 90’s we had movies like ‘Gattaca’ that was released by a big studio & science ficiton nerds admit that the 90’s was a bland & vapid time for science fiction film (Novels were another story). So it kinda pissed me off that we’ll no longer get big budget Hollywood Sci-Fi that can make us think. If you got an idea for something complex, it will have to be dumbed down & contain “PEW PEW PEW ’MURICA GUNZ!!!” for the general audience that doesn’t read Sci-Fi or know about the cyberpunk genre.
This also reminds me of the reception the Star Trek reboot got. People didn’t get the whole green woman part & overanalyzed the green woman to where they were pretty much scoffing at the film because it has a green woman. Even if people didn’t get the reference, you’d think they’d still accept it because it’s a science fiction film taking place in a world where high speed space travel is possible. No, the audience couldn’t get over the fact that there was a green woman! If you explain it to them, then the subtle charm is gone & it will be just another run of the mill movie with crap people are comfortable.
So I have to agree with Chris Pine, we can’t have cerebral or intelligent science fiction films anymore because you stupid people over-analyze & get too picky when it comes to things you’re not familiar with. That is why we got a ‘Total Recall’ reboot, as if people are still too stupid to enjoy Schwarzenegger shooting people left & right. Even purist sci-fi fans didn’t like that 1990 film for it’s crass violence & because it was loosely adapted from the ‘We Remember it For You Wholesale’ book. David Cronenberg was originally slated to direct that flick, but it was tossed. Imagine how a high budgeted, cronenbergian Total Recall would of looked like. He tossed it to make ‘Naked Lunch’, another cerebral film people don’t won’t get, except us weirdoes. Yeah, us weird people are cool!!!
I AIN’T GOT NO LERNIN’
So…..‘Ancient Aliens’………….FUCK THAT SHOW.
I don’t get how the asshats working at the History Channel can green light this god awful piece of shit. That’s what that show is, it’s all conspiracy theories with PhD’s & funny hair.
Now if the show was overtaken by a bunch of pothead rappers & they’re providing their stoned commentary over Ancient Aliens, then yes, I will watch it & that’s just what the folks at ‘Vice’ are doing. The channel ‘Viceland’ has taken over the Ancient Aliens show, hired Action Bronson to smoke a bunch of weed & watch the show while providing sorta MST3K styled commentary over it. Viceland even put in their company phone number so audiences can call in to share their opinion on this. Stupid people everywhere are pissed with calls like: “I’m trying to learn here! Bring back Ancient Aliens! You people are disrespectfull! I‘m triggered!” It is both funny & sad that the world has gotten to this point where people think crap like this has educational merit. For all I know, Action Bronson & his rapper/ pothead friends made the show better, it got me to watch.
Where am I getting at with this? What is up with ‘educational’ cable channels today? It was never like this, it wasn’t even like this in 2006 when TV was slowly in the process of being shit. Animal Planet was once about showing & educating people about animals in their habitat, now it’s mainly a marathon of greasy fat guys building fish tanks & sad shit like ‘Animal Police’. The horrors stray dogs go through, that show is like the harsh version of those ASPCA ads that play, I wouldn’t recommend that show to my enemies. History Channel, as the title says it was a channel about world history, American history & all the histories around, now it’s full of greasy fat guys owning a pawn shop & my god, Ancient Aliens. They pretty much destroyed their integrity by giving conspiracy theorists airtime. Discovery Channel has become the exploitation channel. Naked & Afraid, Deadliest Catch; Deadliest Catch is the most exploitative of all.
“Hur hur hur! Look at those sad sailors fishing in fucked up weather conditions as we eat our seafood & laugh at their families’ misfortunes!! Hahahaha, fisherman dead!!!”
Now let’s get to the elephant in the room, National Geographic, now known as ‘NAT GEO’. Yeah, nat geo, it’s like if I turn ‘BlackTime E-Press’ into ‘BLA TIM E-PR’.
Of all these channels that rode away from the brand they’ve created, Nat Geo pisses me off more because it went from a channel created to expand people’s minds to narrowing people’s minds. There’s a pattern with their programming, all the programming that takes place in ethnic continents like South America, all of Asia & even in the American ghettos show a one sided portrail of these different cultures. There was an episode of ‘Taboo’ where these camera crews go to the red light districts of Thailand. If you know Thailand, you’ll know there is a huge transvestite population there. It’s edited all seedy with shady music & only showing the fucked up shit trans hookers do. Move to Ameica, Oh look, all the trans people are living peacefully & being accepted by everyone! If you’ve been reading the news or reading the transvestite side of the blogosphere, you’ll know that’s bullshit.
Why does that show ‘Drug Inc’ only focus on mostly black & Mexican drug dealers. White people slang crack, why not film a whole episode on Colorado crack heads? That’s the thing, when they focus on black people, it’s all about the gang warfare in South Africa or Chicago. When they focus on Latinos, it’s all about the drug smuggling, the illegal immigration & that fat fuck Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar did not do nothing but sit on his greasy brown ass. YA KNOW WAT I’M SAYIN I’M SAYIN!!! When it’s Asians, it’s all about the ‘strange’ perversions. “Oh my, Japanese people have a low birth rate because they’re busy fucking an anime pillow. The TV said it, that means the it’s all is true!” Then we get to the white Americans, it’s all patriotic pro-military, “Look at them save people & keep the country clean, fighting for freedom over land & air. G.I JOE!!!!!!!!!! White America is perfect!!”
National Geographic is scaring people rather than educating people. All that these shows are saying is “Fear those different than you! Take America back to when it was racist, xenophobic & one sided.”
Educational programming is dead, it’s all either pushing their personal agendas, whiny bullcrap (Like the whiny crap airing on ‘Link TV’) or all one sided bullshit! And what’s up with the Nazi programming? History Channel & that one channel formerly known as ‘The Military Channel’ have been pushing shit like ‘Hitler’s Armory, Hitler’s Bunker, Hitler’s Canoe, Adolf & Eva’s Kinky Bedroom Kinks, Hitler’s Colonoscopy, Hitler’s Pee’. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!! Even PBS has gotten into the wayside, they aren’t really doing anything boundary pushing. PBS is either busy masturbating to the pretentiousness that is ‘Downtown Abbey’ (It’s British, that means it’s good) or begging for money like a lazy millennial. YOOOOOOO!!! SHOTS FIRED!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing’s going to be fixed, I know I’m doom saying but it’s true. It’s not going to get fixed because shit like Ancient Aliens & that reality show with the bearded incest brothers that shoot ducks has gotten ratings.
Gladly, there’s the internet. Am I in the mood to see how candy is made, well there you go, it’s there for everyone to see & you get to choose what you want to learn. Want to see the scientific way of how life is made, YouTube or Teacher’s refrence sites are the key providing either public domain videos or videos from real sources. I wonder is there are episdoes of ‘Bill Nye The Science Guy’ are on YouTube?
[One internet search later]
Still, sometimes I just want the learning to come to me rather than me coming to the learning…..Alright, that sounded wrong as I reread that sentence.
To end this article, we’re all screwed, academically!
GHOSTBUSTERS, WHO’S RIGHT?
I don’t know, let’s move on to another topic which I have more to speak on. For all I know, both sides are idiots. Fighting over a movie, pathetic!
So this past two weekends I’ve been getting back into the groove of watching movies, most of them from my ‘To Watch..’ pile (Which I’ll be reviewing) & others I’ve been wanting to see. I’ll start with the one I kinda had a great time watching.
Straight Outta Compton was a 50/50 film for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the hell out of it & the flick’s subject matter needed to be displayed on screen. Still a little bummed that this flick didn’t come out when I was in high school. The casting was on-point, especially since the two actors who played ‘Eazy-E & Ice Cube’ are the character’s sons off camera. I have to say, the film oozed 90’s, for the most part. There was a scene in the red-band trailer where Dr.Dre is driving in his late 90’s Mercedez Benz through the L.A Riots which took place in 1991. They cut that scene off from the version I saw on HBO, but they also cut off a scene I saw on the promos where all of NWA is holding guns in front of the tour bus & the manager is all “You can’t do that. You guy’s are crazy!” The film has its fun moments like NWA pulling out some serious guns at these two gang bangers looking for their girlfriend & then following it by kicking out said woman from their hotel party after the confrontation. For the most part the film is sad, especially when you get to Eazy-E’s fate near the end. Overall, I enjoyed it, but many things kept me from fully enjoying it & they’re the same reasons why I don’t enjoy biopics. Half, if not most, is all sensationalized or made up to make the film or people look interesting. NWA didn’t begin with ‘Straight Outta Compton’, it began with their real debut album ‘NWA & The Posse’ & it was released a year before SOC. They didn’t mention that in the film, nor did they fully focus on the time Eazy E was invited to a republican party luncheon. That happened & sadly it was only mentioned in a line. Imagine how it would of played out, Eazy-E barging into the white house shouting “WHAT’S UP MY BITCHES!!!!” & all the appalled republicans are there with their jaws falling to their crotches. That was some ripe potential that the filmmakers avoided. I hope that is a deleted scene available on the DVD. Then you got some of the ‘realism’ flubs that happened in the movie. If Ice Cube came into the offices of his record label & destroyed his bosses’ room for not paying him, he would have had some serious lawsuits in his hands & the scene added nor took away anything from the overall film. All it did was show Ice Cube that he doesn’t like to be kept waiting. It figures, Ice Cube, Dr.Dre & McRen were executive producers of this film.
Overall, I wouldn’t recommend this film as an accurate historical portrayal of NWA, but it was a great & fun movie. That 2hrs & 30min were worth it, it was well shot, everything looked 80’s & 90’s. It was fun & emotional. Also the actors did a great job. Sure, it was no Oscar worthy film, but those young men should have gotten nominated. Oscars so white.
Now let’s move on to our last film, one I had no enjoyment watching, The Green Inferno. Mother of God, honest question here: Who’s the fan base for Eli Roth? Who seriously sees quality in his films?
What was up with Green Inferno? It was on the shelf for two years before being released last year.
The plot: A bunch of unlikable stereotype college students decide they can change the world by traveling to Costa Rica (or Chile, I don’t know) where they’re stopping some bulldozers from destroying the trees & the habitat of red people. I’m not kidding, the tribe people got bright red face paint, yet the movie is called ‘Green Inferno’. They should have been green, CAMAFLOUGE PEOPLE!!!! So the characters I remember (Not their names) are a freshman girl who is probably the only girl who we feel bad for, yet she isn’t given enough character depth for me to care. There was hidden potential there, but seeing as Eli Roth can’t write, that isn’t achieved. We got two lesbians who, again, had potential, but are tossed off as fodder for the kills. Then you get that one German looking bitch who was set up as this character who didn’t like the main freshman girl, & she too is killed off. Honestly, I don’t know how she gets killed off, all the girls look the same, pink, blonde & stupid, except for the freshman girl who had black hair. Then you get the four dudes, the comic relief pothead, the big brown nosing nerd guy who gets killed first (I’ll get to that in a sec) & the asshole ‘villain’ among the group of activists who I seriously wanted dead. You guys don’t know how much I wanted to see his genitals mutilated!! Then you there’s that one guy who isn’t given enough character development for us to care, but he looked way too old to be a college student. I’m dead serious, he looks 44 & was already balding. So their cheap CGI crashes into a forest deep in Costa Rica after succeeding in stopping the bulldozers from destroying the trees & the crazy cannibal natives come by with darts blazing, killing everyone except for those characters I mentioned earlier. So they kill off the brown nosing nerd, which I admit I laughed my ass off when they killed that big guy. They cut off his arms, he’s still moving. Then the cannibals cut off his legs & it was just hilarious seeing a dude still moving without legs or arms. It was like watching the black knight from ‘Monty Python & The Holy Grail’. I bet you Eli Roth thought he was making a serious moment the audience will get the feels for. This, the scene where the pothead yells “We’re all screwed!!” followed by a random girl falling off a tree, & that one lesbian girl’s suicide (Not because she was lesbian, but because it just came out of nowhere) were the only scenes I laughed at loud. The other ‘supposed’ funny scenes didn’t bring a peep out of me, instead it made me cringe by how juvenile they were. Har har har, one of the lesbian characters had the running poopies!! DIAREAH CHA CHA CHA!!! HU HUR HUR!!!!! I WANNA KICK ELI ROTH IN HIS FUCKING OVARIES! Then you got that scene where that European sounding guy (The villain pf the activist group) starts jerking off at the dead lesbian girl. HUR HUR HUR MASTURBATION IS FUNNY!!!!! NECROPHILIA IS KOOL!!!! Out of nowhere, what the fuck. The worst part of this movie is that character, the one we’re hating through the whole movie doesn’t get killed off & it’s insinuated at the end (Though it’s vague) that there will be a sequel to this awful crap. It seems like this has been happening all too much recently where movies (Even some books) introduce such an asshole of a villain & the film doesn’t have the guts to either kill them off horribly, give them their comeuppance or shying away from the villains kill. It’s terrible & leaves me with a sick taste in my mouth that even in fiction the assholes get away with it, just like in reality. Give the audience their cathartic release!!!!
Along with the poor writing, the movie also has the gall to have female circumcision to be an over arcing theme. When other movies do it with subtlety & taste, it’s a message we all want to listen to. When Eli Roth does it, it’s done with the subtlety of a retarded jock college student who would ‘flirt’ at a girl by shouting: “INTERCOURSE!!!! ME!!! YOU!!!! INTERCOURSE!!!! BANGY BANGY!!!!”
This movie fucking sucks, I thought it would be a lark because everyone was talking about how it was a statement against SJW’s. It fails at that too because it didn’t take the initiative to make it subtle.
To recap: Straight Outta Compton is a good movie, not a great historical reference. Read a book.
The Green Inferno is a shitty anus to horror movies & Eli Roth is a postulating hemorrhoid!!!
That about does it. This has been a pretty ranty episode, but at least it wasn’t something depressingly political. That’s the thing about politics, as a kid I didn’t give a fuck about the Bush or Clinton presidency, but once we grew old & started understanding more of it we all became sad & pathetic angry peoples. Thanks, Politics.
Next week I’ll probably talk ‘Cliches In Entertainment’ which will range from books, comics, movies & TV, even video games. It may be ranty, but I’ll try to make it fun.
This Friday (by the time some of you read this) will be the debut of my monthly Mystery/Horror/ Action series ‘The Woman Lost in the City of Gods & Devils’. I tell you, I was afraid I wasn’t going to get it out this summer, but this series will debut on July 29th till December. It will come out monthly & two installments will be released on September because September is a dank time of year. So in ‘He Came Tumbling Over’ we got a taste of what Agatha is capable of, in this one you’ll find that Agatha Enix is not just another pretty face!!! Be prepared.
To all my crazy mental asylum friends who read this, happy trails tooooo yooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Also, FUCK YOU ELI ROTH YOU SMUG COLLEGE STUDENT LOOKING PUNKASS CRAB!!!!!